Forgiveness
by ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Castiel makes a decision to forgive his brother, and the two of them talk. Castifer fluff. Set right after the events of "Hell's Angel". Original song included!
**Author's Note:** **The song enclosed in this chapter is an original and may not be used with out my express written consent. Enjoy the fic! Positive reviews are always welcome.**

Lucifer.

The very word is enough to strike fear into any human heart. It sends them recoiling from anyone who dare says his name. To them he is the devil, pure and simple. He's evil incarnate- the enemy of a loving God who loved himself more than his creator. Nothing more. Everything is black and white for them. And they're lucky to have the luxury of seeing it that way. Because to me Lucifer isn't just the Devil-

He's my brother.

Every one of my brothers and sisters have been told by our father that he is evil incarnate. That he is no good and cannot be trusted. And those words are true. He is the one who planted deceit into the human heart and stole their chance at living in paradise with my father. But there was a time so very long ago that I can barely remember it, when he wasn't The Devil or evil incarnate- he was just my big brother.

It sounds odd talking about him that way now, but I remember what he was like back then. He was our father's beloved servant. The golden boy and favorite child. In our father's eyes he could do no wrong. We all thought so too. He was so likable and charming that everyone was at ease around him. He seemed to have this ease about him that the rest of us never had.

Although we were programmed to not have human emotions, many of us were envious of Lucifer, even when we didn't know what envy was. But we had no truer experience with envy than when our father created humanity and Lucifer became jealous of them. When father ordered us to love them even more than himself, my brother boldly refused. He would not bow to what he called "Lesser creatures". For his impudence he was cast out of heaven, and put in the cage. Because of that our father set him on the path of destruction. All of us lost a brother that day. And though we would never admit it, there was an empty place in our hearts where he used to be.

Time passed and the wound left behind from his absence healed a little more every day. Eventually we were able to convince ourselves that he was no longer our brother. He was an enemy of our father and nothing more. Even I was convinced of this at one point. When he killed me, it just reinforced the sentiment. It took him living inside of me to make me remember that he was my brother at one point in time.

When I said "yes" to my brother I thought I was finally doing something right. I would help save the world and prove to myself that I wasn't worthless. That I wasn't a screw up. That I could be just as important to this plan as Sam and Dean. But then the moment came and it all fell to pieces. He tried to fight our aunt and was now being tormented by her.

Here, in the bunker's kitchen with the TV on, I am alone. This is my safe place, my sanctuary to retreat into when I need comfort. I can hear my brother's screams in the distance, and try to block them out by watching TV. The TV doesn't prove to be enough of a distraction for me, so I imagine a window above the sink, and it appears instantly. I look at the glass pane and expect to see the sun shining above me. Instead, rain pounds against the glass. It's a soothing sound, one that brings me tranquility. My brother's screams mix with the sound of the rain, making it seem like the rain was responding to his pain. As I watch the rain splash onto the glass I think about the times before my brother's banishment, remembering the good times we'd had together. In all the anger and hatred from my father and siblings I'd almost forgotten them. But they were there, waiting behind an invisible veil for me to see them. In that moment, I came to a realization: My family had just as great a hand in making Lucifer who he was as Lucifer himself did. Perhaps even more so. There could have been another way. Father could have chosen to forgive him. Or we could have made the conscious choice to do so, even if we still cast him out. And then realization struck me: I could choose to forgive him. I could do it. It wouldn't be the same, but it would be something. I sigh, and then make the choice to forgive, to embrace my brother when others would have turned him away. There is freedom in this choice, but with my brother still screaming, I cannot enjoy it. I look out the window for a long time. A tune enters my head for no reason, and I begin to hum. The rest of the room seems to melt away as I stare out into the bleak weather, singing softly to myself.

"So long ago was the banishment of  
The brother I had come to know  
To see father lock away the sibling I loved  
And watch him turn into my foe

For so long I thought that I knew all I needed to  
What more did I have to learn?  
But how could I understand how he'd been cheated  
Until I lived what he'd been through in turn?

To be locked away in a place dark and lonely  
With no one but yourself to blame  
I couldn't see how he survived this and only  
Left with a heart full of vengeance to cover and hide all his pain

But such is the path of destruction that he was forced to embark on long ago  
The chaos created between father and son left only their hatred to grow

So our father's children and his new creations  
Were taught to live in fear  
If only they understood what I now know  
They'd be able to see things so clear

Now that I've lived your lonesome existence  
I've wanted to set things right  
And with some persistence I promise that you'll never be alone again after tonight.

Brother I'm sorry  
I have been so blind  
I never meant to  
Leave your love behind

Your dark deeds are plenty  
But how could I forget  
You're still my family  
And I will save you yet

There's hope in my heart left  
Dormant through the years  
I won't give up on you  
I will ease your fears

I loved you and missed you  
You are still in my heart  
I promise I'll fix you  
I'll find a place to start

Until I next see you  
Take comfort in this song  
I'll always be with you  
And you are not alone."

I feel a sense of release at the end of the song and absently go back to the TV. It takes me a while to get into the show, but soon I'm wrapped up in the story. It isn't until much later that I realize the screaming has ceased. The window above the sink vanishes at once. A few minutes later the door opens and my brother stumbles in, looking battered and bruised. I hardly blink. When he sits next to me at the table, I finally look up. But I am not afraid of him. He has no reason to hurt me. I have given him what he wanted, and am now useless to him. _To everybody,_ I add bitterly.

"Aunt Amara wasn't too pleased with me. I figured it'd be best to hang out in here for a while."

I nod. "Do you want me to heal you?"

Surprise flickers through his eyes, but he nods. I touch his forehead and his body begins healing. When I finish he looks at me gratefully, and for a split second we are brothers once more. It overwhelms me. I didn't realize how much I had missed him until right then. After he looks at me we sit in silence for several minutes. Finally, I break the silence stretching between us.

"Lucifer?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

He blinked, not expecting the apology. "For what?"

"For all of it. I should have forgiven you a long time ago for what you did, and Dad should have done the same. But instead he told all of us that you were evil incarnate and we believed him. It wasn't until I started rebelling that I understood disobeying orders. And it wasn't until I was trapped in here that I started to understand what you went through in that cage. I forgot about the times we had together before everything fell apart. And I want you to know that I forgive you for everything you've done to me, and that I don't want you to be alone anymore."

The last sentence clearly struck him and he was instantly quiet. I stared at him, waiting for a reply. To me it was clear that he had never expected that response from anyone. It was like being struck from behind. Although I consider myself awkward with people, I knew enough to tell that he needed to hear that.

"Thank you." He says at last. I nod.

"Maybe we could try being brothers again." I say cautiously. He stared at me for a few minutes, as if analyzing my motives behind the sentence. Finally, he relaxed.

"I'd like that." I smile at him. "I liked the song too." He adds. My face must have been shocked, because he laughed.

"You heard that?"

"I did."

If I had the ability I think I might have blushed.

"It was good." He offered. I smiled.

"It just came to me."

"Did you mean the stuff you said in it?"

"Every word. I didn't know how bad you had it until now..."

"It isn't easy."

"No. It isn't." Lucifer nodded. "No one deserves that." I added. My brother laughed at the remark.

"Come on Cassie, we both know that's not true."

The sight of Amara flashes through my mind and I reconsider.

"You're right." I say. He smirked at me.

"I'm your big brother, I'm always right."

We sit there together, talking about this and that for what seems like hours. For the first time in a long time I feel a connection to my brother, and it brings me joy.

"Tell me something, Cas." He says suddenly.

"What?"

"Why did you say yes to me?"

I look down at my hands, trying to find the words to explain why, but there aren't words for the strange human emotion coating it.

"I wanted to be helpful." I find myself saying. He looks at me, scrutinizing my words and expressions carefully.

"Who made you feel like you weren't?"

I tell him about my encounter with Ambriel, then Amara, and finally the Winchesters. With each new tidbit of information his scowl deepens.

"Cassie..." I freeze at the familiar nickname. "You're worth so much more than they give you credit for."

My head flies up at the comment. "What?"

"For crying out loud bro, You took down Metatron. You upstaged Dad for a while and took his job. _I_ couldn't even do that. Anyone who can do that and live to tell the tale is not worthless. You've done so much with your life. Why are you letting a nobody angel, our crazy aunt, and two knuckle headed brothers tear you down?"

I can't answer him. I don't know how to reply.

"You're so much more than you realize." He finishes. "Don't let them tell you what you're worth."

I smile a little. "Thanks." He nods, face serious.

"I had to learn that the hard way. I don't want you to repeat my mistakes."

I nod, then change the topic.

But then, suddenly, in the middle of our conversation, He begins to be pulled away- literally. He's pulled from his chair toward the door. I jump from my seat so fast that I knock my chair over. I reach my hand out to him and pull him to his feet.

"Looks like our time together is coming to a close."

"I guess so."

"I'll see you later, Cassie."

I smile halfheartedly at the nickname.

"Goodbye Luci."

He smiled. "Take it easy, little brother."

With that, he's yanked out the door, back into the clutches of our aunt, and I am alone again. I pause at the thought and correct it.

I'm not really alone in here. Not anymore.


End file.
